Mum's The Word

This post is totally unrelated to my concerns over my daughter (as if that wasn’t enough!) but I feel this is probably the only place I can get things off my chest.

The term “Mum’s the Word” is still very appropriate but from another perspective. I have still to fully “get my head round” this one.

On the last day of my recent visit to my Mum, who is in her eighties, she dropped a few bombshells right into my unsuspecting lap. I’m not sure how the conversation came about but she began to tell me that my Dad, who’s been dead for twenty years, was a serial womaniser. She went on to mention various instances including the fact that he’d even slept with her own sister. As if this wasn’t enough of a shock she went on to add that my Dad had hit her on more than one occasion and that she was basically afraid of him.

I asked her why she’d never spoken out before she said that it wasn’t the done thing in her generation and that she simply had to put up with the situation. She started to go on to say that she’d had a dreadfully unhappy life but our conversation had to come to an abrupt end when another family member appeared.

This conversation will have to be continued at some other time and I need to discuss it with my other siblings who are oblivious to what went on within what I thought was a close (and large) household. I also feel that my Mum needs to “unload” so much more and I want to be there for her. I know that nothing can change the past and my own memories of my Dad are still precious to me but the knowledge raises so many questions.

Well they say troubles come in threes – whatever next?

I hope this will, in part, explain my mind set at the present time – thank you for listening.

I've just been told that my daughter has severed all ties with her family.

So much for taking a step back and giving her space.

For those of you who don't know the background to this blog you may need to read the previous entries. You will see that my last entry was quite upbeat and positive. My daughter was going back home to seek help from her GP. He was very supportive and agreed to refer her for some psychiatric help. She was signed off work and on the surface seemed to be getting back on track. She even convinced the doctor that, despite being on a waiting list, she didn't need referring elsewhere. Her referral was duly cancelled and she was given a final sick note.

She appeared very upbeat and happy with her life and I began to think that perhaps things had been blown all out of proportion and hoped that she'd reached a turning point. I recently spent a few days with her and we enjoyed some lovely mother and daughter time. We went shopping together, had meals out, had a day at the seaside and all in all I felt sure that all was well.

She introduced me to her boyfriend of nine months over a lovely bar meal and they seemed very happy together. I didn't get the chance to get his opinion on her current state of mind etc. and assumed that all was well.

A week later she texted me to say that it was great to see me and to thank me for a lovely time. The following day she sent a series of wierd texts. The first one sent from her boyfriend's mobile and purporting to be from him. The second one from her saying that she didn't want to talk to me. She then refused to take my calls until I left an angry message on her answerphone (which was very out of character for me).

When she finally telephoned she made the most dreadful allegations about me and her boyfriend which absolutely floored me. Nothing she said made any sense and I promptly terminated the call in a state of utmost shock and couldn't believe what she had said.

I spoke to her sister who eventually managed to contact her and she was still maintaining the allegations and blaming me entirely for what had supposedly happened. Her sister rightly refused to believe the things she said and told her so but she persisted in her verbal attack of me.

Her boyfriend contacted me the following day to talk about his concerns about her state of mind and we agreed that she had really 'lost it' big time. He said that he would make sure she went back to see her GP and that he would accompany her.

This whole thing is something that has never happened before and has really knocked me sideways. I know that she is ill and obviously suffering with some delusion but I cannot bring myself to talk to her just now. I know I should be there for her and that I shouldn't take it to heart but I'm only human after all. Her sister, dad and boyfriend are keeping me up to date with the situation and I know that she is going back to the doctor today.

Meanwhile I am finding it very difficult to know what to think or do. I am also very fearful of where this all will end.