Don't forget a child is for life! Just because they've flown the nest you haven't seen or heard the last of them!

Through this blog I'm hoping to help and understand my grown up daughter who is struggling with depression and is quite probably bi-polar.

I am hoping to write a frank journal to help me cope with this situation. I am not sure how much of this will consist of "friends' only" postings. I will have to play it by ear.

This post is totally unrelated to my concerns over my daughter (as if that wasn’t enough!) but I feel this is probably the only place I can get things off my chest.

The term “Mum’s the Word” is still very appropriate but from another perspective. I have still to fully “get my head round” this one.

On the last day of my recent visit to my Mum, who is in her eighties, she dropped a few bombshells right into my unsuspecting lap. I’m not sure how the conversation came about but she began to tell me that my Dad, who’s been dead for twenty years, was a serial womaniser. She went on to mention various instances including the fact that he’d even slept with her own sister. As if this wasn’t enough of a shock she went on to add that my Dad had hit her on more than one occasion and that she was basically afraid of him.

I asked her why she’d never spoken out before she said that it wasn’t the done thing in her generation and that she simply had to put up with the situation. She started to go on to say that she’d had a dreadfully unhappy life but our conversation had to come to an abrupt end when another family member appeared.

This conversation will have to be continued at some other time and I need to discuss it with my other siblings who are oblivious to what went on within what I thought was a close (and large) household. I also feel that my Mum needs to “unload” so much more and I want to be there for her. I know that nothing can change the past and my own memories of my Dad are still precious to me but the knowledge raises so many questions.

Well they say troubles come in threes – whatever next?

I hope this will, in part, explain my mind set at the present time – thank you for listening.

I've just been told that my daughter has severed all ties with her family.

So much for taking a step back and giving her space.

For those of you who don't know the background to this blog you may need to read the previous entries. You will see that my last entry was quite upbeat and positive. My daughter was going back home to seek help from her GP. He was very supportive and agreed to refer her for some psychiatric help. She was signed off work and on the surface seemed to be getting back on track. She even convinced the doctor that, despite being on a waiting list, she didn't need referring elsewhere. Her referral was duly cancelled and she was given a final sick note.

She appeared very upbeat and happy with her life and I began to think that perhaps things had been blown all out of proportion and hoped that she'd reached a turning point. I recently spent a few days with her and we enjoyed some lovely mother and daughter time. We went shopping together, had meals out, had a day at the seaside and all in all I felt sure that all was well.

She introduced me to her boyfriend of nine months over a lovely bar meal and they seemed very happy together. I didn't get the chance to get his opinion on her current state of mind etc. and assumed that all was well.

A week later she texted me to say that it was great to see me and to thank me for a lovely time. The following day she sent a series of wierd texts. The first one sent from her boyfriend's mobile and purporting to be from him. The second one from her saying that she didn't want to talk to me. She then refused to take my calls until I left an angry message on her answerphone (which was very out of character for me).

When she finally telephoned she made the most dreadful allegations about me and her boyfriend which absolutely floored me. Nothing she said made any sense and I promptly terminated the call in a state of utmost shock and couldn't believe what she had said.

I spoke to her sister who eventually managed to contact her and she was still maintaining the allegations and blaming me entirely for what had supposedly happened. Her sister rightly refused to believe the things she said and told her so but she persisted in her verbal attack of me.

Her boyfriend contacted me the following day to talk about his concerns about her state of mind and we agreed that she had really 'lost it' big time. He said that he would make sure she went back to see her GP and that he would accompany her.

This whole thing is something that has never happened before and has really knocked me sideways. I know that she is ill and obviously suffering with some delusion but I cannot bring myself to talk to her just now. I know I should be there for her and that I shouldn't take it to heart but I'm only human after all. Her sister, dad and boyfriend are keeping me up to date with the situation and I know that she is going back to the doctor today.

Meanwhile I am finding it very difficult to know what to think or do. I am also very fearful of where this all will end.

The next bit is down to her and I'm encouraging her to do more for herself rather than let others molly-coddle her. Am I being too hard on her? I really don't know. Her current boyfriend thinks she should be protected and this is where our opinions differ - I think that she needs to regain control of her life.

Her sister and I had discussed this and we both agree that her 'condition' has worsened since she moved in with her boyfriend. He has encouraged her to reduce her working hours and she has become very dependent on him both emotionally and financially. She has lost her sparkle and vitality and spends too much time lazing about.

Just over two weeks ago I got the call saying "Mum can I come and stay, I do need help". She booked a one way ticket and arrived a few days later. When she arrived she was unhappy and confused and didn't want to face up to going back. This morning when she set off back she was much happier and ready to get some professional help.

The process has been painful but I must be there for my daughter. I hope that her GP will realise that she needs further help.

During the last ten days I have seen her become more relaxed and happy in herself. Last night she sat down and wrote out a list of things to mention to her GP. I deliberately didn't have any input and was pleased that she seems to have covered all the points that need raising with him. There was no point in me putting words or ideas into her head.

It wasn't long before she opened up and we talked about her present situation and we have agreed that she will get some expert help when she returns home. We are going to spend a little bit of time writing down all her symptoms and feelings along with a few observations that me, her sister and her boyfriend have made so that she can go to her GP properly prepared.

Before that we are going to relax and spend some quality time and let her stress levels come right down.

She thanked me for listening and for helping her see that she really does have genuine health problems. This is something she has previously denied. I feel we are finally making some headway. I know she has a long way to go but at least she now recognises and admits she needs help.

Tonight she is having a 'girly night' with her sister and hopefully they will both let their hair down and have a laugh or six!

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good she was very very good
But when she was bad she was horrid

That just about sums my daughter up - except that she's now an adult. She can be the funniest sweetest person you could wish to meet or she can say the most hurtful horrid things particularly to the ones who love her.

She is having a bad time just now and tomorrow she is coming to stay with me. I am excited and scared about the visit. I have just spoken to her and she is happy and excited about coming to stay.